


The Pinnacle of Romance

by Fuckboy Phoebus (The_Resurrection_3D)



Series: The ETF Collection [2]
Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: Dom/sub Undertones, Established Relationship, Foreplay, Gun Kink, Gun Violence, Gun play, M/M, Porn with Feelings, Power Play, Reunions, Roughhousing, This Is Not Safe Gun Kink At All In Any Sense Ever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-18
Updated: 2018-05-18
Packaged: 2019-05-07 21:55:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14680254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Resurrection_3D/pseuds/Fuckboy%20Phoebus
Summary: “Not gonna get up?” he asks. Edd blinks once, twice, ere his face flushes anew and he begins to massage the guns against his temples.He lets out a heavy sigh. “I just wanted to have a romantic evening.”“Says the guy who drewtwoguns on me.”“Because I know you’re a freak like that.”





	The Pinnacle of Romance

**Author's Note:**

> There are honestly people who don't think Edd and Tord are soul mates. So glad I can't relate. 
> 
> Just some silly EddTord fluff. I feel like Edd's chaotic dumbass side gets downplayed /erased in a lot of fic, so I wanted to re-emphasize that here. 
> 
> This is meant to be a prelude to my polyworld AU of The End, but that is so fucking cursed it might honestly kill me. I've been coughing up blood for days. 
> 
>  
> 
> ~~Also if you think Tord is anything but a twunk you're not fucking valid.~~
> 
>  
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoy!

At moments like this, Edd has to look back upon his life and wonder if he has ever been subtle.

It’s harder than you’d think. But then again, when has anything subtle ever been worth remembering?

The next manga volume lands with a dull _thud._ Edd takes a moment, as he sprinkles the plastic rose petals across it, to admire the cover, because he's honestly already forgotten most of what he'd purchased. Girls, guns, and tentacles; he has no idea what Tord likes beyond that. Oh, Tord had tried occasionally to bring his stranger interests into the bedroom, to which Edd would always reply along the lines of, “Say that weeb shit again and I’ll strangle you.”

 _Sounds hot,_ was Tord’s retort the last time.

So they both had compromised with smothering Tord with a pillow, which was in his own words, “markedly less hot.”

Last time. It was just as Tord preferred: fast and desperate, like they were on a burning Viking ship watching the world end.

Edd will probably need to go over the rules again: no weird anime girl moaning, no calling Edd “comrade,” no quoting from _The Communist Manifesto_ , and no saying weird stuff like _sugoi._  Even if it was “just that one time” and “clearly ironic,” I’m still legally permitted – nay, _obligated_ to kill you. It’s for the good of all mankind.

In short: when Edd had wandered into _that_ section of the bookstore, he’d had no choice but to snatch books off the shelves with nothing but a quick glance at the cover. In this one, a blue-haired woman’s plump tits are censored by the rifle she’s licking, and her crotch by the purple tentacles invading the bottom of the frame.

_What if he just wants to read these all night?_

Edd shrugs off his doubts and continues on towards his bedroom, plopping down more books, sprinkling about more petals. _That’s what the lighter is for._

As well as for the special candles he’d bought, too, but that’s a surprise for later.

For this first part, at least, he wants to be in the dark.

* * *

There are lots of way you’re meant to know you’re not over them, or so he’s been told: when you jump from emotionless fuck to emotionless fuck; when you cuddle pillows at night to replace their mass; when you don’t wash the hoodies you’ve stolen because they still smell of them; when you lurk their social media until three am, searching for your own misery in them.

For Edd, it’s the way the absence throbs like an open sore whenever he hears their favorite high-school hits come on the radio, whenever he can’t sleep and watches the sun rise, whenever he finds some novelty trash like _Socialist Coloring_ or bacon-scented soap – the way he doesn’t necessarily _find_ Tord in mundane things, but wishes that he did. Wishes he could share this or that with him.

He really was my best friend.

* * *

 

_Won’t Matt & Jehovah be there?_

No Toms at some girls place n Matt got a modeling gig. Its a super long commute w/ traffic so hes just staying at a hotel in aldgate

_Excellent._

(He wishes Tord knew how unnerving his use of punctuation could be, until)

 _Anything special planned?_  

A few things :)

_Can I get a hint?_

(Edd sends him a snap of the several pounds of bacon he’s planning on frying for breakfast)

_I’m fully erect._

_Thought youd be_

* * *

 

He leaves the door unlocked, hoping that any passing ax-murderers will merely chance a look in and be deterred by the hentai on the floor.

In the meantime, he lies in his bed, staring into the darkness above him, accompanied only by the blue glow of his phone and the weight of the two handguns lying beside him. 

At a little past twelve, Edd hears the door kicked open, the panicked clatter of Ringo’s feet, and smiles.

Tord nearly falls onto his knees as he shrugs off his duffel bag, letting it and his motorcycle helmet fall to the floor. Pops his shoulders, cracks his neck. “Sorry I’m late; traffic was just atrocious, even after I...” His voice trails off as the foyer lights come on, and Edd has to bite inside of his cheek to keep quiet as—“Holy _shit_.” Then, through hoarse laughter: “Edd, I fucking love you.”

 _Then why did you leave, asshole?_   Edd bites down harder, says instead, “Well come in here and show me."

“Gimme a sec, I – _wow,_ you have better taste than me.”

“Obviously.”

“How much did you spend on all this?” Edd rolls over to the edge of his bed and peaks out; Tord is squatting, taking a picture of the trail of goodies that lead into his room.

“You’ll have to ask Tom; I put all this on his credit card.”

Tord laughs again.

Getting back into position, guns at the ready, Edd calls, “Now get in here, I’m getting cold.”

“Alright, alright— oh, what’s this?” Tord pulls the tall bottle of cola out of the bucket of ice left on the table outside the door, right beside two wine glasses. “You know, most people would have actual _wine_ at a time like this.”

“I’m not most people.”

Edd can hear the smile in his voice. “No, you’re certainly not.”

So Tord leans the door-frame, ruffling his hair back into its signature mess, greeting Edd with a simper.

Edd’s heart swells as he drinks in Tord’s form: the band aids over his nose and jawline; the worn look of his leather jacket, leather pants, steel-toed combat boots; the bruise-purple rings around his eyes. 

Still as handsome as ever, maybe even more so – it’s hard to tell under all the layers, but something in Tord’s posture looks straighter, like the regality that was always within him has been set free. His chest also seems more defined, muscles cut from marble.

But that smile’s the same: cocksure, crocked, a little bit of fang.

Oh, how I missed you.

But that smile falls when Tord absorbs the scene before him: Edd, clad only in emerald thigh-high socks that disappear under his boxers; the shit-eating grin; the pistols hooked under each knee, spreading his legs wide.

Tord ducks back out again.

“Get back in here!”

“I’m good!” comes the reply. “I think I’ll just sleep on the couch tonight…Wait, where are the—"

He only gets as far as the first picture on the wall when Edd fires a few shots into the ceiling.

Above him is only Matt’s room -- even if he weren't using blanks, Matt would never be able to tell under all the clutter. He steals out into the hall, both guns drawn like the hero of an old western; Tord, on the other hand, has drawn the hunting rifle strapped to his back. A heartbeat passes, then two, three, before that smirk curls Tord’s lips again.

“Where’s the lace?” he asks.

Edd scoff, gesturing with one gun towards the offerings still strewn across the floor. “Did you not see that trail of degeneracy I laid out for you?” He steps closer, aiming at Tord's head, which doesn't earn even one iota of concern. “What more do you want from me?”

 “A little more commitment, maybe," Tord says, "You put in so much effort but then stopped just short of the finish line." A kiss of his teeth.  

“I tried some lace and all it did was ride up my ass.”

“That’s kind of the point.”

“I have enough things going up my ass already.” Art, life, Matt’s embezzlement from his cola stash – “And I spent like fifty quid on hentai so you’d be one of them, so you’re gonna stop being such a chickenshit bitch, get back in there, and fuck me.”

Edd's composure breaks as the man harangued lets out a little laugh, so he steps forward and places one of the guns right between Tord's eyes. "It's not funny."

"It is a little."

His eyes narrow. "It's only a little bit funny." Finally Edd can't help himself; he goes in for a hug, but stops when the barrel of Tord's rifle stabs into his stomach. 

"I thought we were having a stand-off?" Tord asks.

Edd merely looks at him for a moment, before his brain catches up to him. 

Tord again pokes Edd with the rifle. "Don't tease me here, Edd. I've been driving with an erection for the past eight hours."

"Isn't that the point where your dick falls off?"

"I reattached it." Tord grabs his wrist, knocking the muzzle of Edd's gun against a forehead a few times. "Now hurry up, if you don't mind."

Edd shakes his head. Despite his tetchy tone, he can see how much Tord's pupils have already dilated, only growing wider as Edd traces the gun down the side of his face, the other tilting his head up by the chin. It’s Edd turn to freeze, however, when Tord cocks his head and kisses the closest muzzle, those burning silver eyes never once breaking contact.

 _Oh._ The memories are rushing back.

For a brief moment, it dawns on Edd that while he may have on the safety of the gun that’s pressed to his lover’s face, Tord probably can’t say the same. Fear starts to curdle in his stomach, but the thoughts are suddenly eased-- the rifle falls to Tord’s hip as he steps forward, their bodies nearly flush, tongue darting out to taste cool metal. Edd’s eyes widen as Tord’s tongue slowly zig-zags over the barrel, Tord’s hand – so small compared to Edd’s own – slipping atop his. Tord’s eyes flutter shut and he pulls back, ere diving forward to fellate the barrel.

So far down Edd can feel Tord’s bottom lip brush against his fingers. It makes the words die in his throat.

Edd’s blood is roaring, as much from the time apart as Tord’s obscene display. Tord pulls back again, smooth and tortuously slow, before going back to lapping along the shaft. He’s barely over the ribs of the slide when Edd’s inflamed flesh hits air, the head of his cock poking through the slit in his boxers.

Tord cracks open an eye when Edd sighs, feeling the grip on the gun tremble as he works. He merely smirks with a glance between Edd’s legs, closing the distance betwixt him and the mesmerized man as his tongue glides over the rear sight, ere planting a light kiss on Edd’s hand.

And throwing him over his shoulder.

Preempting a rebuttal, Tord plants a boot on Edd’s chest, leering as Edd merely stares at him, dumbly, the spell still wrapped thick around his mind.

All he can think about is how wonderful Tord would look straddling him right now.

Silent, Tord straightens, the rough tread of his boot trailing down Edd’s chest, until he reaches the top of Edd’s pelvis. For a moment he considers applying a little pressure, deterred only the knowledge that they’d find his head on a pike in the morning. Edd’s not the type who’s into C&B, unfortunately.

Still, he chances tracing the exposed steel over the tent in Edd’s boxers, relishing the way he sucks in a breath. Small circles on Edd's balls, biting his lip as Edd’s legs spread, his cock pulling itself further free.

Edd has always been a large man, in everything he does and is. Which, as he drinks in the sight, makes Tord wonder why he ever left.

Edd’s pupils are blown to hell, his face painted pink as Tord rubs the cool steel against the head of his cock, earning a light, muffled moan.

So Tord draws away.

“Not gonna get up?” he asks. Edd blinks once, twice, ere his face flushes anew and he begins to massage the guns against his temples.

He lets out a heavy sigh. “I just wanted to have a romantic evening.”

“Says the guy who drew _two_ guns on me.”

“Because I know you’re a freak like that.”

Tord can’t keep the mirth out of his voice. “Can’t really argue with that.” He steps over Edd and strolls off towards the kitchen, setting his rifle down on the table.

"It was gonna be perfect," Edd is rambling, still spread-eagle on the floor, his whole body slack. "We were gonna have nice, gentle sex in the dark, and then for round two I was gonna show you the new candles I bought --"

"And the guns and hentai were for what exactly?" Tord asks. Mahogany eyes follow him as he steals to the foyer again, gathering the ice bucket and glasses into his arms.

Tord expects some quip, but instead Edd shrugs and answers honestly: "I figured when you realized just how much fun we could have been having all this time, you'd pounce on me." 

Because sometimes -- a lot of the time, in fact, as Edd would argue -- laughter is far more intimate than sex could ever hope to be. (The blanks were just in case he needed to make a statement.)

He starts to say that he doesn't really want to have rough sex tonight, that he just wants to savor every inch of Tord's skin and relearn everything that makes his breath hitch, but Tord's "tsk-tsk" cuts off his thoughts. Tord shakes his head in faux-sadness as he sets his burden down on the counter, unscrewing the coke with a hiss. “I can’t lie; I’m a bit disappointed in you, Edd,” he says, not even throwing Edd a glance as he begins to fill a glass. “I expected a lot more fight out of you.”

So Edd shoots the glass right out of his hand.

Tord lets out a yelp of surprise, body twisting towards the table, but Edd’s a second faster, slamming them against it – a loud _crack_ , as it hits the wall. Tord tries to yank his arms out of Edd’s grasp, to which Edd replies by picking the smaller man up and pinning him against the wall (cradling Tord’s forehead, however, so that his own knuckles take the worst of the impact).

They stay there for a moment, adrenaline screaming in their systems. Slightly panting, Tord feels his hackles raise as Edd’s breath hits the back of his neck, as the stiffness pressed against his ass only grows. His forehead lightly thumping against the wall as Edd withdraws his hand and instead pins both of Tord’s wrists above their heads.

“That enough fight for you?” is the whisper in his ear.

Tord can vaguely remember telling Edd once that he's the only person he’d ever be submissive for.

In response, Tord gives a helpless shrug, seesawing one of his hands as best as he can.

Tord gasps as teeth sink into his shoulder, Edd yanking back both his jacket and signature hoodie to gain access. Still reeling from the last assault, Tord's chest constricts as Edd grinds his hips into his ass, kissing along the bitemarks.

A full head shorter than Edd, Tord’s forced onto his tiptoes as Edd flattens him against the wall, knees nearly buckling when that weight suddenly draws away. “Better?” Edd asks, his voice low with desire.

Tord slips his other wrist out of Edd’s grasp, reaching back to thread his fingers through brown hair. “A lot better.”

“I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

“No,” Tord replies as he lolls his head back against Edd’s chest. “No, I’m fine.” He gives a pleasant thum, deep in his throat, as Edd kisses along his jugular vein, fingertips ghosting along the skin just above his waistband. _I missed you_ rests heavy as lead on his tongue, but instead he says, giving Edd's hair a soft tug, “ _This_ is what I meant by commitment.”

Edd scoffs again. “You’re one to talk,” he says as he unbuttons Tord’s pants and shoves a hand inside them.

Tord squirms, grinding back against Edd and making a small, annoyed sound as his partner runs his nails everywhere except where they’re needed most. “You’re right...” He tries to push Edd’s hand a little over to the left, but Edd holds firm – Tord shoots him a glare, to which Edd scrunches his own face up in parody.

So Tord relaxes into a smile, raising to tip-toe again to plant a light kiss on Edd’s lips. “But I want to change that.”

Arms tighten around him, nose in the crook of his neck, words husky and hot against his skin. “Then _stay.”_

Edd’s voice is so _eager_ , so yearning that Tord's chest swells.

Maybe this could work after all. He just has to play his cards right, and right now, Edd’s are reflecting off his face, clear as day.

Tord spins himself around, grabbing onto Edd’s face with both hands, keeping the taller man bent down so he can rest their foreheads together. “I am. I’m never gonna leave again.” Edd’s eyes shut as Tord briefly slams their lips together, whispering into his mouth the words Edd's been waiting who knows how long to hear: “Not without you.”

And Edd kisses him so hard he’s sure both their lips split open.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Originally planned to include the full sex scene, but I felt like it was just emotionally redundant. The rest of the AU definitely has smut, so I may continue. We'll just have to see. 
> 
> Edit: Also should probably mention that only one of the guns was meant to be loaded with blanks (and Edd was aware of that), since that probably wasn't clear. just use dildos, kids. 
> 
> Feedback and kudos are appreciated! Hmu at the-resurrection-3d on tumblr if you want to request something or just pester me in general. I have no idea how I feel about this, but it was a lot of fun to write :P
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
